8 Steps to Ensure Moving Madness

My husband and I just sold our first home and have recently moved into an apartment for a few months while we build a new home. It has been difficult, to say the least. We made every mistake possible and that made the process so much more difficult on ourselves! So, if you’d like a terrible moving experience, then simply follow the eight steps below.

1. Panic.

This step is highly crucial in ruining your moving experience. It reduces your ability to make good, quick decisions and can also make you feel physically sick. Panic immediately and then run around accomplishing nothing, while stepping on the toes (literally) of others around you. It’s an amazing waste of time.

2. Do Not Plan.

Step 1 will basically take all of your energy and you won’t really have to do anything to accomplish Step 2. Create no timelines or charts or any lists. Those will only get in the way and help you organize your thoughts.

3. No Babysitter.

No matter how many of your friends offer to watch your kids, ignore them. When you spot your one-year-old running down the street because you’ve got the front door propped open to move furniture, you will be shocked at the speed at which you can run. It’s exhilarating. Kids are also great to have around while moving because they unpack boxes for you and remove items from your ‘Donate’ pile.

4. Don’t Plan Meals.

This is super important because eating out three meals a day makes you feel really terrible! Don’t have any PB&J sandwiches, cold pasta salads, or fresh fruit available. Make sure that you move all kitchen utensils and dishes to the new place so that nothing is around. Pack those items in an unlabeled box so that it’s impossible to locate for days. Do the same with snacks and other pantry items.

5. Do Not Pack An Overnight Bag.

As a child, when my dad would prepare us for vacations, we would always be instructed to pack an ‘overnight bag.’ An overnight bag consisted of any items that you would want to have immediately accessible for an overnight hotel stop, such as a fresh change of clothing, any toiletries, and maybe a granola bar or another snack. While we tease him (Vacation Dave) immensely regarding vacation, this is a genius idea that should in no way be applied to moving. I mean, who really wants to be able to find these things easily? It’s so much simpler to go out and buy new stuff.

6. Poorly Label Boxes.

If you cease Step 2 even for a minute, then you might begin to label boxes. If so, make sure to do this inaccurately or poorly. Definitely don’t label which room of the new home or apartment it should go into. Do not use words like ‘fragile’, ‘kitchen,’ or ‘baby bibs.’ It only makes it easier to unpack and who wants to do it the easy way?

7. Have a Garage Sale.

Have a garage sale the day before you move. That way you can sell all this stuff in your garage that isn’t packed. You use your highly valuable time haggling with people and sell your whole garage sale for a $1 anyway. You will also be highly criticized for not having enough signs or great items to sell. So perfect.

8. Don’t Ask For Help.

This goes along with Step 3. Don’t ask for help. Just assume that the neighbors will come running when you and your spouse are loading up the moving truck. Also figure that your friends will hear your silent pleas for help when your little T-Rex arms are practically snapping off due to the weight of your couch. It makes total sense, right? If you do ask for help, then at least do it last second. People love that.

There you have it, eight steps to ensure total moving failure. My husband and I completed all of them plus many more. I forgot to mention you should also have no moving supplies available like boxes, tape, or markers. Those things will only help you.And that’s just silly.

One thing is for certain: we won’t be making the same mistakes when we move from our temporary apartment to our new home. Until then, I just need to remember where I put the aspirin… and the heating pad.