Dear Crabby, Do You Play Golf?

Dear Crabby, Do You Play Golf?

Sincerely, Ace

Dear Ace,

I have been known to participate in playing golf, with other people, while keeping score – but I wouldn’t say that I golf, that just wouldn’t be right. Golf is a four-letter-word, even for those quite familiar with the game.

The idea of a long, skinny stick with a small club head on it, designed to hit a tiny, hard ball into the air for 200 yards seems outrageous to me. But you know what … it can be done! Certainly, we see it on TV all the time, however in practice, it really seems like a fallacy.

Dear Crabby sits infront of his laptop
Dear Crabby Gives Advice

When the stars – and your swing – are aligned, wham, that ball takes flight. And when you hit it straight and long, it seems as though God himself is looking down on you … maybe that’s because his name comes up a lot on the golf course. A good shot can be very magical. But mostly, golf is just frustrating.

Most swings for me are what they call hooks, but sometimes I slice, and other times geese will roll my ball into the pond – yes, they have done that to me, twice in fact. Once in a while my ball ends up on the fairway, never on the fairway that I’m playing, but it makes it easy to find my ball. And I get to meet new people who don’t seem too impressed that I’m playing in the opposite direction as they are.

It can be pricey too, so I usually wait until some colleague needs me to fill-in on a team – I always make them look good and I get to play for free. The really nice thing about golf is the setting – golf courses are beautiful. All that green grass and giant trees, perfectly landscaped, with ponds and rolling hills – it’s amazing.

So if you need me to join your team, just know I’m a hack golfer who enjoys the surrounding greenery more than getting that darn ball into a tin cup. I’ll dress to impress no one but myself, and I don’t drink Scotch or smoke cigars along the way. I don’t know the rules and I always let pretty women play through. I won’t help you win, but I will make you look good.


Dear Crabby

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Stuck in a rut? Need some biased advice from a crabby old baby-boomer? Read regularly by thousands and loved by some, Dear Crabby answers questions weekly to life's challenges. Send him a note at

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