Dear Crabby, Front seat or back?

Dear Crabby,

My kids are always fighting over who gets the front seat and who gets the back seat. How can I solve this issue for them?
Sincerely, Polly Perfect

Dear Polly Perfect,

Ah yes, the old fighting to get away from mom routine. I have seen this and played into that trap many times. It seems like they want to be away from the parents at some ages and close to them at others. I simply told them that if they could not figure it out on their own that I would solve the problem my way. My way usually involved tying their hands together for the afternoon, or making them rub each other’s feet for the entire ride. I may not have had the wisdom of Solomon, but it sure was entertaining at times. And it was amazing to see how these trivial little issues went away when my solutions came into play. I can remember one time my kids were fighting over the last sucker in a bag, I demanded that they hand it forward. I quickly took the sucker, unwrapped it and stuck it in my mouth. After a few minutes I took it back out of my mouth and asked them who wanted it now. Much to my amazement they were not at allDearCrabby interested anymore. The other move I would make that often motivated them to solve their own issues was to have the first offender sit with me. I would go on and on with endless stories of my youth, followed by perplexing conversation about my bowel movements or lack thereof.  You would not believe how that would teach them to never argue about seating arrangements again, at least not so I would hear it. The last trick in my magic hat was when they had friends in the car and they were picking on each other. I would stop the car and tell the younger one to think of five embarrassing things about the older one and tell the older one to do the same for the younger one. Then I would tell the younger one to go first and tell the whole car what they thought of. I would give them about 20 seconds with their mouths wide open to let the shock sink in, then say, “Why don’t we let it go this time, but if I hear you being rude again we will follow through on this little exercise.” Once again, you would be amazed at how those kids straightened up and played nice. I only wish I was that smart when they started dating, I may have saved myself a lot of heartache if I could of scared off some of those punks my daughter brought home! But we live and learn. I hope I gave you some new ideas and remember I am not responsible for any of the outcomes or ramifications of following my advice.

Sincerely, Dear Crabby

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