Dear Crabby, How Do I Throw the Perfect Wedding

Dear Crabby,

My daughter is getting married and I want to throw her the perfect wedding. Do you have any tips that can help make this happen?

Sincerely, Patty Perfect

Dear Mrs. Perfect,

Well, we all look for that perfect day when our child walks down the aisle and we drain our life savings in order to live vicariously through our kids for one of the last times.  For me personally, I was mostly concerned that I do my best, as the father of the bride, to not show any emotional weakness in front of all our relatives. My second greatest concern was the dip my daughter was about to marry and how I was to contend with him as well as all his goofy friends.  My future son-in-law chose one of these goofballs to be his best man; they call him Spooner for some reason. Spooner was not exactly known to be the most responsible kid on the block. My son-in-law was so worried about letting him hold the ring that as they were about to walk out, he actually told Spooner, “How about I hold the ring and you just pretend to hand it to me when the preacher tells you too?” Spooner was so offended, he promised there was no way he could lose the ring in the fifty steps from where they were to the altar in front of them. So my son-in-law caved in and let him hold it. The whole wedding continued without a hitch. Everyone made it down the aisle, even good ol’ Spooner, without tripping or freezing or falling on Grandma. The ceremony was nearly flawless as the preacher went through the whole spiel. Then the preacher said, “What token do you have to symbolize your love?” As my son-in-law turned to Spooner with his hand extended, the poor guy started pulling out his pockets and feeling his jacket all over. You could see my son-in-law’s eyes grow ever larger. Then Spooner looked over at the next groomsman who proceeded to do the same check. And so on and so on until even the little eight-year-old ring bearer was checking his pockets. Finally, the last groomsman pulled out the ring, which sent everyone into a round of laughter. As they handed the ring back up one-by-one to my son-in-law, he finally realized the gag that Spooner had pulled off, and he managed to laugh about it too. The rest of the wedding went as planned; my son-in-law even allowed Spooner to stay for the rest of the festivities. You know, as many weddings as I’ve been to and as many events that are intended to be “perfect,” these moments are the ones that people tend to remember and look back on with a smile. So just thank the good Lord for the Spooners in your life and learn to lighten up and smile more often. You won’t regret it!  Hope that helps and good luck.

Sincerely, Dear Crabby

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Stuck in a rut? Need some biased advice from a crabby old baby-boomer? Read regularly by thousands and loved by some, Dear Crabby answers questions weekly to life's challenges. Send him a note at

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