Dear Crabby, I Need Help Matching My Clothes!

Dear Crabby,

My wife is always complaining that I don’t match when I get dressed. Is it foolish that a grown man cannot get dressed without his wife’s help these days?

Sincerely, Max MisMatch

Dear Mr. MisMatch,

If I had a nickel for every fella that told me his wife didn’t approve of his outfit – well, I’d have a bunch of nickels for sure!  I think God intentionally mixed up men’s matching abilities so that women would have something to entertain themselves with.  It’s just one of those basic truths about men that we are not very good at matching things in general.  I have tried everything in my life to get this down, but it never works.  I even bought navy shirts to go with navy pants. I thought, “Who could mess that up?” Well, wouldn’t you know it? I did!  Turns out they were two slightly different shades of navy! Why would anyone invent different shades of navy?  The other thing that really trips men up is this whole not wearing white after Labor Day rule.  They know we are equally bad with remembering dates, so why make a fashion rule tied to a date?  The next thing you know they will be telling us that it’s not right to wear white underwear.  I mean, wearing white is my “go to” move!  If I really want to try to dress myself without the criticism of the missus, I go for the white top and any color bottoms.  The only time this failed me is when I grabbed the white pants too and my family kept calling me Michael the Archangel.  In my defense, though, I have to say look at golfers! Even the professional golfers can’t match on television.  Sometimes they have plaid pants and mismatched shirts. Them fellas from overseas are even worse with their outfits.  These guys even have apparel companies dressing them and trying to sell these outfits in the department stores for top dollar!  You notice that Nike made it real simple for their top endorsement – Tiger Woods.  Every Sunday, it is mandatory that he wear a red Nike shirt and black pants.  I mean, come on, for ninety million dollars you’d think they could find two or three outfits that he could rotate between!  They must be really concerned that he will not match on Sunday. Oh well, I guess if it works, why mess it up? As far as feeling foolish, I think you should just feel normal. You are as normal as I am anyway – well, that may not be real comforting to most people though. So, keep up the good fight and just go for what you know works. Let me know how it all works out for you.

Sincerely, Dear Crabby

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Stuck in a rut? Need some biased advice from a crabby old baby-boomer? Read regularly by thousands and loved by some, Dear Crabby answers questions weekly to life's challenges. Send him a note at

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