Dear Crabby, My Jeans Are Getting Too Tight!

Dear Crabby,

The stores no longer carry my favorite pair of jeans, and I don’t know why, but none of the other styles fit the same way.  I am beside myself!  I don’t know what to do. What did you do when this happened to you?

Sincerely, Dee Nile

Dear Ms. Nile,

I’m not quite sure whether or not to be offended that you automatically assumed that I have dealt with this issue!  Well, that thought aside, I actually have run across this a few times on my journey thus far.  Knowing full well that it couldn’t possibly have anything to do with the four teaspoons of sugar in my cup of coffee or my morning doughnuts causing this issue, I began to look for better explanations. I decided that global warming must have played a part in all this; Al Gore says it’s to blame for almost any issue!  Then I thought, it must be the lousy foreign work ethic of all these imported clothes we buy! I even added the two together and surmised that it could be the global warming making it so hot on the foreign workers that they could not focus on making my jeans the right size.  This was convincing enough to allow myself to go up another size or two and not feel guilty. After all, it was their fault to begin with!  After the third or fourth time I did this, I started feeling like there may be another force at work here. That’s when I discovered the best thing yet – Sansabelt jeans! These are the world’s first “beltless pants” that have built in adjustable elastic that can adapt to an adjustable waist. This way, if your spouse washes your clothes too hot or dries them too long, as I often accuse mine of doing, the pants will automatically adjust at the waist. I’m not sure if they make these beauties for women or not, but I am sold on them. The best part is that they come in dress slacks and denim material, so I will never really need to look for any other style.  Mrs. Crabby says it really isn’t much style at all, but I don’t care – they fit, and they feel great! The only unsolved mystery now are the shirts. Somehow, they also seem to have all shrunk. If they fit before, but are tight now, that leaves me with only one solution – the missus must have shrunk them while doing the laundry!  Oh well, I guess I need to forgive her. Good luck and let me know if you find those Sansabelts!

Sincerely, Dear Crabby

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Stuck in a rut? Need some biased advice from a crabby old baby-boomer? Read regularly by thousands and loved by some, Dear Crabby answers questions weekly to life's challenges. Send him a note at

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