Dear Crabby, Should I Treat My Lawn?

Dear Crabby,

I really would like to have a beautifully green lawn, but I am concerned about all the chemicals that they recommend.  Do you think it is safe to spray your yard or even have a company do it?

Sincerely, Al Green

Dear Mr. Green,

I am really not the one to be asking about “green” issues. I have expressed my thoughts about flowers and green plants in general before – I like it when other people display them, as long as I don’t have to tend to them. If I had it my way, I would pour cement in the whole yard and just spray vegetation killer on the cracks each year. But I admit, if everyone was as anti-green as me, the world would be a very gray place. I do pay a company to spray my yard and keep the weeds down, mostly to appease my wife and neighbors though. I actually like the yellow yards with all the dandelions, but apparently they spread with the wind and the other neighbors generally frown upon that.

Dear Crabby sits infront of his laptop

Dear Crabby Gives Advice

When we first hired this company, I asked all the basic safety questions about the chemicals they would be using: Would my grand kids grow three heads? Would my neighbors go blind if they breathed during the application? Between you and me, I would have been fine if they could only promise one of those two questions. But they assured me that none of these things would happen and that actually by today’s standards, their products were very safe and earth friendly – whatever that means. They also said that their mix will not only keep the weeds out, but it will fertilize the grass and help it grow. Whatever they are doing, the yellow is gone from our yard, the grand kids only have one head, and the neighbors all seem as normal as they were before. The only thing I have left to complain about is the bill!

I have to pay these guys to fertilize and kill the weeds and then I pay some different guys to come and mow the lawn. Then, if you think about it, I have to pay the government taxes just because I own the lawn- everybody is making money off this lawn except me. Maybe I will go back to that cement yard idea after all. At any rate, do your homework, keep the kids safe, and make sure you are being as responsible as you can be. You are the only one who can decide if the lawn treatment is right for you or not. Let me know what you decide – not that I care, but it’s always good to hear from my readers.

Sincerely, Dear Crabby

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About Dear Crabby

Stuck in a rut? Need some biased advice from a crabby old baby-boomer? Read regularly by thousands and loved by some, Dear Crabby answers questions weekly to life's challenges. Send him a note at

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