Dear Crabby, What Do You Think of Haunted Houses?

 

Dear Crabby,

Now that there’s sort of a fall feeling in the air, I wanted to do something fun like a corn maze, hayride, or maybe even a haunted house. Would you ever consider going to one?

Thanks!
Stan Scary

Dear Stan Scary,

If I’m reading your question right you’re asking if I’d ever visit a haunted house. Well, the short version of my answer would be… ummm, no. Go to a haunted house – are you kidding me? I find daily life scary enough as it is. Between politics and disasters happening all over the world, I do not need to pay anyone to scare me. Speaking of paying, I am astounded at how much these haunted houses cost. But before I get into that I will come clean and say that back in my youth, I did go with my buddies to haunted houses from time-to-time. But in those days, the houses were really tame. Mostly it was just people hiding in different spots, then jumping out to scare you. The goal was to take your best girl so when she screamed she could find comfort in your big, strong arms. Even if us guys were scared, we pretended not to be to save face in front of the ladies.

Now back to the haunted houses of today… it’s all just become so over-the-top. You’ve got haunted houses on old ships, in abandoned buildings, and in cornfields in the middle of nowhere. I recently read about one over in Madison Heights called Azra that supposed to be the scariest around Oakland County. The article said you go from chamber to chamber of horrors. Horrors? Grrreat. Of course, it’s multi-level, so in case you don’t pee your pants on the first floor you can hope for something more heart-stopping on one of the other floors. And once you’re done being scared within an inch of your life, you can always try their Escape Room located next door. If you want to know how I feel about those, you can read all about it here. As for the price, it’s $20. That may not seem like a lot, but if I want to be scared out of my money, I’ll just keep opening my doctor bills. Better yet, swing by my house. I’ll scare you for five bucks! Now if you’re a big spender, there’s Erebus in Pontiac. Tickets range from $19 to $28 unless you want to go all in as a VIP. That will cost you $50, but you get to enter via the VIP entrance and skip the line. Want proof you survived the experience? Well then make sure you get your t-shirt or hoodie on your way out. Sheesh. It’s no wonder young folks are so broke these days.

No, for my money (the less expensive the better), I’m inclined to attend more laid-back events like the Rochester Hills Hoot N’ Howl Hayride or the annual Stone Wall Pumpkin Festival over at the Rochester Hills Museum at Van Hoosen Farm. That way I get to enjoy the season without having to slap on a pair of Depends. Hope that answers your question and…

Happy haunting!
Dear Crabby