Dear Crabby,
What is the deal with snow days in Michigan? It seems like some people take the day off at the mere threat of a snow fall. Aren’t the locals prepared for this?
Sincerely, Sammy Snowshoe
Dear Mr. Snowshoe,
I have lived in Michigan my entire life, and there are a few things that go without question in this state. They are as follows: we grow our own cherries, we always and without fail build our own cars (unless another country can do it cheaper for us), and we have at least four months of cold snowy weather! So, unless you moved here yesterday, you should expect the snow to fall and you should be prepared to walk, drive, slide, or plow through it to get wherever you need to be in the morning. I can’t believe the mamby pamby people that hear the weatherman predict a few inches of snow and then plan to take the next couple of days off. For one thing, they are usually way off on their prediction. My father taught me the weatherman translation formula when I was a kid. He said, “Take whatever the weatherman predicts, divide it by two and then subtract two. The answer you get will be more accurate!” And you know what? He has been exactly right every time so far! These kids today have some nerve, to sit around all day and wait for the rest of the world to clear the roads and shovel the walks. When I was their age, I had to walk to school in the snow, uphill, both there and back! And shovel the walk on the way – without getting paid, mind you! I say these kids today need a little kick in the pants. Let them feel the cold all the way down to their little toes. Oh boy, you can’t hear it, but Mrs. Crabby is over here nipping at my ear again telling me I’m being too tough on the little kiddies. She says that snow days are important for the kids to be able to have a break and to make memories of going sledding and drinking hot chocolate. I say “Bah humbug to that!” That’s what Saturdays and holidays are for. As for those kids who are always whining about needing another snow day, we’d better teach them how to use a shovel or they’ll never know how to run our cities, schools, and companies, and the whole system will get soft on us. Give me some good snow tires and a bag of salt and I can go anywhere in this state; just get out of my way. That’s my two cents worth. If you’re gonna live in Michigan, learn to deal with the snow!
Sincerely, Dear Crabby
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