Dear Crabby, Where Did All These Clowns Come From?

Dear Crabby,

Is it just me or is it every time I turn on the news, there’s another clown incident? It’s creepy. I mean, what’s the point?

Phil Payaso

Dear Mr. Payaso,

When I first read your question, I thought you meant the other clowns on the nightly news. Ya know, the presidential candidates—ha! But after I reread the question, I figured out what you’re referring to. All those people dressing up like clowns and scaring people all over the country. And I don’t think there really is a point other than some people have too much time on their hands. Did you know that some people have an honest-to-goodness fear of clowns? Yup. It’s called coulrophobia and it’s not just kids who are afraid of clowns, but adults too. So this latest epidemic is definitely not helping those who already ran every time they saw floppy shoes and a red nose.

Are you old enough to remember Bozo the Clown? He was on TVs nationwide from the early 1950s up until the 1990s, I think. All I know is that Bozo was everywhere and always seemed to be on the TV. It was a great show, and don’t think I didn’t turn him on for my kiddos when Mrs. Crabby was out running errands and I needed a few minutes to myself. If memory serves me, only one of my kids was a little frightened by Bozo, but I don’t think there DearCrabbywas any permanent damage from making him watch. But back to your question and what’s happening now with these clowns that are terrorizing everyone. Even Stephen King, the master of horror, who gave us one of the creepiest clowns in history (Pennywise) in the book It, thinks it’s all gone too far. And that’s saying something. Apparently the whole ‘craze’ got started late this summer in South Carolina. Since then it’s spread out all over the country. Some just lurk menacingly on corners and sidewalks, while other clowns have chased people with the intent of inflicting physical harm. Last week there was a stampede on the campus of Penn State University. Apparently, there were some clown sightings on campus, students were told to stay inside, so naturally thousands immediately ran outside to clown hunt. America’s future right there, ladies and gentlemen. I’m guessing this ain’t exactly the social activities their parents hoped they would engage in when they shelled out money for them to attend college. It’s even happening in my state. Just recently here in Detroit a clown wearing a white hospital gown, menacing mask, and bright pink hair was spotted hanging off the back of a city bus! I have no clue why this has escalated like it has or why the people dressing up like clowns think it’s funny. But I bet ya there won’t be many little kids dressed as clowns trick-or-treating this Halloween. Even Ronald McDonald has been driven into hiding. RONALD MCDONALD FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! Our country is dealing with one of its most contentious elections in history and we’re now worried about how to protect ourselves from another type of clown. Most self-respecting clowns take their job seriously and only want to make others happy. It’s a shame that we’ve once again taken something innocent and perverted it. So, I guess until all this nonsense plays itself out, stay safe and don’t provoke any clowns to anger.

Dear Crabby

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