Dear Crabby, Why can’t I leave the toilet seat up?

Dear Crabby,

My fiancée and I will be married in July and we have a little issue to settle first.  Do I need to put the toilet seat down after using it, or can I just leave it up and let her lower it when she needs it? I know this seems trivial, but surely you have encountered this and can save me years of trouble with all your wisdom.

Sincerely, Ian Trouble

Dear Mr. Trouble,

I certainly wish I had some wise old answer that would save you years of trouble, but I do not – other than to suggest that you just get into the habit of lowering the seat every time you are done.  I know this makes no logical sense, but my guess is that many things in your life will not make logical sense after July!  I have tried to explain to Mrs. Crabby that for a man, the joy of going to the bathroom standing up is that we do not have to touch any part of the toilet – most of the time we do not even flush!  But if I do it her way, I need to touch the seat to raise it, than touch it again to lower it!  I tried to go along with her plan by just leaving it down, but you need really good aim to do that without making more of a mess!  I even got the dog on my side – he had the toughest time getting a drink when the lid was closed!  I found articles on the Internet where doctors are saying it’s cleaner for little boys if the parents get in the habit of leaving the lids up, since then they do not need to touch anything. But all of this was in vain. Mrs. Crabby demanded that we all leave the lid down and make sure it was dry and clean when we left the bathroom. I guess with all of life’s challenges, this was a relatively small one that I figured was worth just letting her win. Besides, I built a bathroom in the basement that she will not even enter; we call it my personal office.  The only downside of that is that I need to clean it myself. Oh well, it’s still worth it! I hope I gave you wise advice concerning this. I thought I would also leave you with a handful of other suggestions that may save you some trouble too. First, get different color toothbrushes, and remember which one is yours!  Second, let her pick which side and how much of the closet she wants!  Third, if there are more pictures of her parents than yours in the house – don’t comment. Fourth, if you ever plan on being on time again – well, just don’t plan on ever being on time again! And fifth, if she asks you if her dress makes her look fat, the answer is “NO.”  Good luck, and let me know how it works out!

Sincerely, Dear Crabby

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Stuck in a rut? Need some biased advice from a crabby old baby-boomer? Read regularly by thousands and loved by some, Dear Crabby answers questions weekly to life's challenges. Send him a note at

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