Dear Crabby,
Since cinemas aren’t open, my family has been streaming a lot of movies, and most recently we’ve started adding Christmas movies to the mix. But the movies that I cannot stand are the ones my wife loves – Hallmark Christmas movies! They are so cheesy! So why does she and so many others love them so much?
Thanks,
Burt Humbug
Dear Burt Humbug,
Oh, Burt, I feel you on this one. My Mrs. Crabby has the same affliction. It’s almost like a cult. Seriously. When she’s in the Hallmark ‘zone’ the house could be on fire and she wouldn’t notice a darn thing. Does your wife have what I like to call the Hallmark Christmas Movie Starter Pack? It includes a sweatshirt/t-shirt, stemless wine glass/hot cocoa mug, a blanket, and socks that all read “This is my Hallmark Christmas Movies Watching ___.” No self-respecting fan of these movies can watch a single plot without them.
You mentioned that you’ve just started watching Christmas movies, but I bet your wife started watching the Hallmark Countdown To Christmas movies back when they started airing at the end of October! I read somewhere that if you’ve been watching the 40 NEW Hallmark Channel Christmas movies to date (23 on Hallmark Channel and 17 on Hallmark Movies & Mysteries), then you’ve already spent over 50 hours of your life watching a woman who is has a heart of gold on the verge of getting fired unless she fixes “X” by midnight on Christmas Eve. Or something to that effect. If you’re new to these movies, be prepared to see the same actors and actresses over and over again. Especially, Candace Cameron Bure who seems to be the channel’s self-proclaimed “Queen of Christmas.” So, why do our wives and millions of others keep watching these movies? I’ll let you in on a little secret: the people who love these movies know they’re not deep and that’s exactly why they like them.
For a couple of hours (more if you’re a binge-watcher) they get to escape into a world where everyone and everything is perfectly styled. Honestly, what normal person has the time or patience to decorate every room in the house and the outside too? The problems the protagonists face aren’t life-threatening and a happy ending is pretty much guaranteed. I think this is what draws people in and keeps them coming back for more. These movies are like Linus’ blue blanket – a source of comfort and security; especially in a year like 2020. Still, they aren’t for everyone or for anyone who believes it’s not Christmas until Bruce Willis sends Hans Gruber plunging to his death in Die Hard. But if you’re like me and find yourself occasionally being forced to watch one of these cocoa-fueled calamities, do yourself a favor and buy the Hallmark Christmas Bingo Cards. It makes the whole experience a lot less painful and most importantly, it keeps the wife happy. .
Until next time…
Dear Crabby
Stuck in a rut? Need some biased advice from a crabby old baby-boomer? Then email me your question at dearcrabby@rochestermedia.com. You can also head on over to my Facebook page and tell me how wonderful I am.
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