Dear Crabby,
I have read so much about our food supply lately, I am thinking it is time for my family to go organic. Have you ever looked into this, and would you consider doing it for yourself?
Sincerely, Gail Green
Dear Ms. Green,
It certainly seems to be the buzzword today to “go green.” When I see people driving cars that look like roller skates and organic bananas that are half the size and three times the cost of conventional ones, I have to question this green phenomenon. With rising gas prices and concerns about processed foods, I can see why all the attention is focused on these initiatives. However, I 
told the missus that I have already outlived most people’s expectations, so why can’t I just enjoy my regular hamburgers and vanilla ice cream? But wouldn’t you know it, that Mrs. Crabby must want me around even longer – she keeps trying to make me veggie burgers and salmon cakes to see if I will notice. Let me tell you – I notice!!! Now, when it comes to these organic fruits and veggies I must say that I really don’t notice any difference – except in my wallet! How can these people charge more when they say the only difference is that they didn’t add all the pesticides and toxins to the organic version? I think that should make them cheaper! I was thinking that I might start an organic drink company, advertise an “all-green, healthy diet” drink. I will tell people that there are 0 grams of fat, all natural flavors, and it stays good for months! Then I will just fill these bottles with water and sell them for five bucks each! I think I will even call it “Retaw” and get some celebrity to take pictures drinking it. You know, that would be “water” backwards for the idiots that can’t figure that out! I don’t care if I make any money doing it; I’ll just get kicks watching people opening the bottles and taking the first drink! What do you think? Anyway, I am not sure what to tell you about your desires to go green. I’m sure you have done your research, and you probably have many more years than I do down here, so I say give it a try. Let me know how this turns out for you.
Sincerely, Dear Crabby
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