Only the lonely

Last week was rough. I had been pushed to my sanity limit by a list of constant demands and overwhelming busyness that was out of my control.

I found myself retreating to Facebook and Pinterest in short intervals, in an attempt to find respite in the swirl of chaos happening around me. I thought if I could connect somehow to the outside world then I would survive the day. But that prolonged testing of my patience caused a pang in me in a way I hadn’t expected or noticed in awhile.

I realized the pang that ached was caused because I was lonely—lonely for a friend. I absolutely love my husband, and I even really like him, too. But most women will agree, women need other women. It’s built in our bones from the moment we breathe. Husbands can be an incredible refuge and support, but they should not be expected to fill the shoes of the unique companionship having girlfriends provide.

Though I’m long past needing one of those half-broken “BFF” heart necklaces that adorn most girls at some point, I’m not past hoping for another feminine soul who I can trust and grow closer to. There is an unfortunate façade of relationship that we must overcome, one that’s veiled by the constant availability in the palm of our hand. The ease of connecting electronically robs us from the deep nourishment we long for, and tragically fills us with something that nearly satisfies.

Since becoming a mom, a very busy one at that, the intentional, regular interaction with other women has been hard to maintain. There were wonderful stretches of friendship, and those days I’ve been blessed by. But in general, family and life pulls those times apart before I realize it’s even gone.

A best friend can’t save your soul, and they can’t make roses out of thorns. But friends can enrich and strengthen each other in a way that is a valuable treasure to have. Those moments don’t always last, and best friends realistically won’t be “best friends forever.” This realization doesn’t mean the investment is not worth the return. The seasons change, the sands shift, and so do people. Physically you may part, but the value will remain.

If you do find yourself feeling lonely, do yourself a favor. Don’t just escape to a world that fits in your fingers. It’s almost tangible, almost enough to fill your longing, but it won’t. Instead, reach out to someone you know by actually spending time with them, in person. And then do it again… and again, as long as the days allow. Reach out to a neighbor or another hockey mom, and really get to know her. Or join a book club, a playgroup, or take a class with someone. Friendships like this can be messy, but so is pizza, but that shouldn’t stop us from eating it.